You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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