you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
