omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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