so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
