cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
