There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You can't just leave with hair like that
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
