Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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