is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
