TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
