my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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