This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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