two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
