I wish I only lived at night.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
