Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
