"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
