i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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