Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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