her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
