im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just found a bag of teeth...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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