It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
