I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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