i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i think i have herpe
just one?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
