Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
