well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
