I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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