I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
