just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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