Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
