I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
