went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
