She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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