I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
