he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
