How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
