just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
