my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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