Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have aggressive nipples.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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