I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
