My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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