Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
