did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
