i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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