Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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