you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
