Umm I'm too high to move.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
