Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
