Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
