Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
