She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
