No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
